| When we are feeling alone.... Never forget...... Jesus is holding us to himself..... Now and forever.... He will never forsake us! |
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| Hi, my name is Pam. My husband and I married in 1980. I had no idea he was a crossdresser. If anyone had asked me back then what a crossdresser was, I would have given them a blank look. Things looked happy on the surface, but as time went along, he wanted to do strange things in the bedroom. He also was caught a few time trying on different articles of my clothing. After we had two children, things got progressively worse between us. I began to catch him locked in our bedroom with my dresses on, make-up, pantyhose, etc. and the room would smell like sex. I would be confused, because I knew no one else could have been in the room with him. My husband is a transvestite. This is a man who acts out sexually while dressed in women's clothes. In 1988, he explained his behavior to me. I began to seek to be the rescuer of my husband's problems. However, no wife can caretake this, or fix this in anyway. He has to deal with this problem. Finally, I demanded he seek counseling. I didn't know what was out there, but took for granted that all counselors would surely help him overcome this. However, this counselor didn't. Things begin to happen and our relationship became stormy. Much of our arguments were beggings on his part to get me to accept this thing as being okay. He got into several unhealthy relationships, one in particular with a woman who was old enough to be his mother. He sought people to support him and became defensive toward me, his wife. This drove a wedge between us that would culminate into separation in 1999. Many years came and went, and I found myself trying to be the best wife, the most submissive, yet, I suffered years of mental anquish. We struggled with rebellion in our oldest son. He would have been a difficult child even if my husband and I had no problems. However, my husband began to find ways to side with our son against me, and make me look legalistic and controlling. After my husband left, my oldest son, still rebelling, left me and went with his dad. Although my children know about their father, they think that I'm being unreasonable with Dad and should be a little more tolerant of him. In December of 2002, my younger son left as well, buying into the lies that Daddy is okay and Mama is just being legalistic about things. Today, I can truly say, that if it hadn't been for the Lord, I would not be alive today. Jesus stayed with me every step of the way. I have cried so many tears, that I literally felt I might dehydrate. It has been a hard road. My encouragement to any wife reading this is that you detach yourself as much as possible from his problem and leave it his problem. You literally cannot do anything about it. He has to deal with it. He has to want genuine help. You've got to take care of yourself. Today, I am recovering, have a great job, and am now getting my sanity back, although I hear very little from my children. I know my children will come back someday and see the real truth about Daddy. I will close with a scripture from Psalm 30...weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. Turn to Christ. Let Him be your Husband as you walk with the struggles of a crossdressing spouse. God bless you. Pam Zornes If anyone would like to contact Pam, you can reach her at: Box 371 Belfry, Kentucky 41514 |
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