did they go? What got into my marriage that destroyed it so bad?
I miss my husband and the way it use to be. Then I ask myself, do you think he misses that too?
How do I reach him? He has closed down and stuffs everything inside. Oh how I feel so alone in this. The
feelings seem to much at times. Lord, please help me through this day?
is nothing I can do to help my life's
out come. Some days I wake up only
to have eyes full of tears. A endless
avenue of hurtful sorrows, that seem
to never end!
My heart hurts with every beat. The
lonliness seems to be so heavy at
times. Almost to much to feel.
I know I am not alone in this, but it is
true ...there are times I feel like this
world is a big place and there are no
beating hearts that really care about
others.
And then I think of the friends that
God had placed in my pathway. Oh
how I thank Him for them all!
It is so hard to watch your loved one going through this.
And its hard to understand why they choose to do so! I
have questions of why? Is it because I have done
something to make him choose this? I do not believe so
anymore. But I do remember the time, when all I could
do was blame myself! It had to be me! I look back and
see where God has brought me from....its not about blame
here! Lord, please take the negetive feelings I have right
now, help me to focus on good things. Teach me to look
at me and my short comings, and not others. Only then
will I be able to see others through eyes with LOVE.
your life that brings good thoughts to you. And that shares a "your sweet" or "you are beautiful" thought.
It tends to bring a smile to your face! I thank God for these friends in my life. When I feel I cant go on,
there seems to be someone that says the right thing just at the right time. I thank you God!! And I believe
God is trying to tell me, that no matter how I feel or how things look........HE IS THERE FOR ME!
thoughts run through my mind of blessings that
God has given me. He has blessed me so
much more then I deserve. So much of the
time, I think of sad and hurtful things going on
in my life. But this morning was a true blessing
in its self. What a brite way to open my eyes.
To God's wonderful blessings. Thank you God
for being there always and holding me up when
I feel so weak! And thank you for reminding
me that I am not alone in all this.....and even
with all the sad things that are going on right
now, you still love me and bless me every day!
dream come true. I find myself not wanting to go to
sleep only because, I know I will wake up in a
nightmare. So I spend alot of time right here or reading
in the middle of the night. One day I pray that I will be
able to sleep all night long, and wake up refreshed. Is
this only a dream? I pray not!
came home you answered my prayer for calmness.
Thank you Lord, for touching my husbands heart to be
kind and understanding. I believe you are working here
in our lives. Thank you Jesus!
pure. The sky dem gray in color....fine snow falling to the ground. Tree's dusted with snow. As I turn my
head, a tiny kitten jumps through the snow........leaving small little tracks. Gods beauty shines through in all
His creations. Thank you God for being the Father of the universe.....for giving me the eyes to see, the
heart to feel, the ears to hear your wonders. So many things we take for granted! Oh God, in ALL things
you have your hand...... it is not shortened that you cannot reach and help us.
I see him still buying pills, and
dressing. My heart breaks, even
with his words of: "I do not know
what this is happening or why I am
doing this, but I am working with
the couselor and we are trying to
get me back to normal. Just give
me a little time?"
God help me and give me strength
and help me to know what to do.
And when to draw the line here.
you.... to feel the love coming from them. It
seems this should be so easy. But life has a
way of taking that from us. Nothing is easy
anymore. The emptiness inside, the shallow
feelings of emotions. Where did it all go?
Why do I feel such guilt? Such pain and
loss? I know the guilt comes from Satan....I
must pray hard for God to help me let go if
this. The feelings of not being good enough
has to go. Its not about me....... its about
what God is trying to work out in our lives
at this point in time. I must learn to step
back and let God work. And not get in His
way! I must remember, ITS NOT ABOUT
ME!
Today I am gonna sit back and just rest in the arms of Jesus, and let Him take care of all that is going on in
my life. And I pray that I will learn to do so, not just today........but EVERYDAY!
The love we once had...
The closeness we once felt...
Where did it go?
How did this sneak up on me?
Why didn't I see it coming?
How could I have not known?
And earthly joys have flown,
My Savior whispers His promise
Never to leave me alone.
--Anon.
do I draw the line?
And at what point do I leave?
My God help me to do what YOU
would want me to do.
God I would be down all the time. I know this! Thank you God
for being there in my darkest nights and my lonliest days. I do
not know how long this journey will be, but I DO KNOW, I DO
NOT HAVE TO GO IT ALONE!
"I will NEVER lever leave you nor forsake you"
Hebrews 13:5
WHY am I holding on?
Every morning he gives me a hug good
bye and tells me he loves me....
as he leaves for work...
Then again before bed-time....
he hugs me again and tells me he loves
me before he say good night.
My heart gets so confused...
I ask myself what IS real any more?
How can someone LOVE me and
yet...
hurt me this way?
Why doesn't this ever stop?
The pain...the hurt and rejection?
I know I have control over my own
life..
But at times I have to be honest...
I really wonder if that is true?
How do I get the strength up to leave?
Or stay?
This is NOT easy!
rejection and emptiness that losing a spouce sheds on your life.
The pounding of my heart, with every beat there is a
remembered memory.
Things that once meant the world to us, now only seem to be
words unsaid.
The hugs that once were willingly given are only quick...and
shallow.
The days of dinner on the table, eating together, talking, just
being together, are gone!
I have now learned the meaning of "Home" built with walls only.
I seem to be the only one who can feel and see this loss.
The darkness is where I look.... My husband cannot see the
darkness.
Words come to me from every direction...
But my husband's salvation is on my heart.
Will I be a stumbling block to him in any way?
I pray not!
God be with us!
God open his eyes!
(March 11th, 04 ~ Having surgery on my knee)
As I wait to go in for surgery tomorrow afternoon...
Feelings of abandonment, loneliness, distance from my husband...
All creep in.... pulling my heart strings more and more.
I know I am not alone, but it just feel like something is missing
during this down time.
I remember, when you were right beside me all the way, in times of
surgeries, struggles and sad times...
But now, it seems though something else has taken over in your
mind.
I remember you saying,
"I had shoulder surgery, and I had no problem doing it alone"
But you weren't alone!!
I was there for you, during the whole time.
Walking the hall-ways, praying, checking the doors to see a nurse or
doctor coming to let me know how you were doing.
I guess it really didn't mean anything to you?
As I watched others recieve the news about their loved one...
I waited....
Praying for you to wake up, to be ok.
I guess this is just one more thing I will have to let go and forget
about.
I will learn to do things alone.
Just God and I!
But if you ever think you could use a friend...
I would be there for you.
And know...
That you will always be in my thoughts and prayers!
No matter where you go or who you become.
I do not accept this life-style that you have chosen...
But...
I do love you!
And I will continue to pray for you!
called and wanted to go out to dinner.
She said she was impressed to talk to me.
It was very helpful to me. And I felt that
I was not alone. She had great timing, or
should I say....God has great timing. :)
We had a nice talk over dinner, and I felt
that I can get through anything. For I
had a Heavenly Father that loves me so
much, that He gave me a true friends to
share His love through. Thank you God
for all you do for me every day. And
thank you for my friends!
Men will be lovers of themselves...
lovers of money...
boasters....
proud...
blasphemers....
disobedient to parents....
unthankful...
unholy....
unloving.....
unforgiving.....
slanderers....
without self-control....
brutal....
despisers of good....
traitors....
headstrong....
haughty.....
lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of
God.
What happened to our marriage?
This qustion wakes me up and puts me to sleep every day!
Watching the man I loved so dearly...falling to the ground....turning his back on God....on family....on friends.
I feel like I am in a helpless spot....a hurtful and shattered world right now. Where in my family...sin has taken over.
I found myself holding onto "HOPE" when the feeling of emptiness was there.
I tried to fill my heart with memories of what use to be.... Not facing the fact to what IS!
It has pulled me down...broken my heart over and over... The things my husband would say to me...ingraved in my heart and
broke a little bit more of my heart off each day.....
Somehow I must find a way to hold onto what God has given me....
Not to my husband (for it is his choice to change or not)....
God has given me many blessings that have been blinded by my hurt and pain of the lost of my husband!
And this is at my choice...that I have allowed this to happen!
Somehow I have to take back the power that I have allowed my husband to take from me...through
heart-strings...words...actions...abandoment!
I know it won't be easy...But I also know that I wont be alone as I walk this NEW pathway of healing!
God is there...He puts people in my life to cheer me on every step of the way!
Again, another blessing that God has given me!
I thank God for everyone who has ran across this web-site and has signed my guess book.
And I know.... No matter the feelings...... There WILL be a new day shinning soon!! And I will not be hiding behind the
shadows of a broken and damaged heart!
{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}